TERROR ATTACK ON DUKE!

Nah. Thats how rumors get started. There was no CALCULATED TERRORIST ATTACK ON DUKE CAMPUS TODAY. HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WEREn't KILLED IN THE WAKE OF THE CARBOMB.
"A car is burning!" said local Mitzi Boswell. SECONDS LATER TWO MORE EXPLOSIONS COULD BE HEARD AT THE SITE OF THE VEHICLE. OUR OWN CHARLES W. ARNOLD WAS DEEPLY IMBEDDED IN THE DUKE CAMPUS AT THE TIME OF THE INCIDENT AND CAPTURED THESE SHOCKING IMAGES WITH HIS STATE OF THE ART 25 GPIXEL CAMERA PHONE.







THE DEATH TOLL IS UNKNOWN AT THIS TIME, BUT WE ARE REPORTING THAT OVER 25 MILLION BABIES WERE KILLED. THOSE THAT SURVIVED THE INITIAL BLAST WERE LIKELY EATEN DUE TO THE SLOW RESPONSE OF PRESIDENT BUSH WHO HAS NOT BEEN MADE AWARE OF THIS INCIDENT YET. THE AP HAS DONE EVERYTHING THEY COULD AT THIS TIME TO SAVE THE LIVES OF THE INNOCENT AND OPPRESSED. ONCE AGAIN, WE CANNOT CONFIRM, BUT ARE REPORTING, THAT GEORGE W. BUSH HAS MURDERED ALL OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, LOVED ONES, AND PETS.